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friday feast: the home within
mood: 
contemplative
contemplative
They say you can't go home again.
I believed that until I found this poem -- "Leaving," by Cathy Song.
It begins:
Wahiawa is still
a red dirt town
where the sticky smell
of pineapples
being lopped off
in the low-lying fields
rises to mix
with the minty leaves
of eucalyptus
in the bordering gulch.
(Rest here.)
This may well be the only poem ever written about my hometown of Wahiawa.
All I wanted to do thirty years ago was leave it.
Leave the red dirt and pineapple fields
the mildew under the eaves
the GIs from Schofield Barracks
the Filipino men clapping when I sang
the "Unchained Melody" in the saimin restaurant.
Before I could read, Wahiawa was just fine with me.
I didn't know about snow
or seasons
or overcoats and boots;
didn't know it was possible
to drive from state to state
or that I lived on a tiny dot
in the middle of the Pacific.
After I opened a book,
real life, exciting life, worthwhile life
seemed to exist somewhere else.
Hawai'i was just too limited, too remote,
too forgotten by the rest of the country.
I read so many books,
but never saw myself in any of them.
In "Leaving," the narrator talks about being "kept under cover" by her mother. In their small, dark world, the children knew mold, mildew, and centipedes, building "houses within houses," depending on National Geographic for a glimpse of the outside world. They were "squeamish and pale."
This made me remember why I left my family and friends and moved to England after college. My destiny just seemed to be very far away from where I was born. I refused to become part of the undergrowth.
Now, I've seen a little more of the world, but whenever I sit down to write anything, I'm still writing from Wahiawa. I guess you can take the person out of the place, but you can't take the place out of the person. I keep wondering if I'll always think so small, so limited, so confined. Writing is my way of trying to break free.
Cathy Song also grew up in Wahiawa, graduated from Wellesley College and Boston University. So she left, too (but eventually returned to Hawai'i where she lives now). As children, we lived five minutes apart, but never knew each other (I did know her older sister, though). All these years later, I've met Cathy through her poetry. I know so well of what she writes.
"Leaving," from her first collection, Picture Bride (Yale University Press, 1983), has taken me back home.
Today's Poetry Friday Roundup is at Big A little a.
"Life's a voyage that's homeward bound." ~ Herman Melville
Don't forget to check out my interview with Grace Lin if you haven't already done so, and leave a comment for a chance to win a personalized copy of The Year of the Rat! Deadline is Wednesday, May 7, 2008.
and...
"My destiny just seemed to be very far away from where I was born. I refused to become part of the undergrowth."
Wow, those are delicious thoughts. I copied them to my desktop so I can savor them all day. Thank you.
"She's Leaving Home"
Re: "She's Leaving Home"
Yes, but Paul lived on the bigger dot.
WHO in their right mind would leave an island of tropical beauty, sunshine, blue skies, green surf....
For an island where "If the sun don’t come, you get a tan from standing in the English rain."...
If not for LOVE!
"for LOVE is ALL you NEED!"
Re: Yes, but Paul lived on the bigger dot.
BTW, sunshine is overrated :).
but also Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Keats, et al.
But I understand.... ;-)
yeah!, yeah!, yeah!
Re: but also Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Keats, et al.
until I saw the actual places...
Here I haven't even visited Emily's house and it's only 40 minutes down the road.....
Sunshine is overrated? I guess dreary cold damp days have their usefulness...
Sunshine can be boring, day after day, all year round, believe it or not. Hawai'i is an endless summer. I wanted to see the leaves change and snow fall from the sky!
Look at everything you've found by leaving, and yet you still have what you left, too.
I think of Hawai'i as a very glamorous place to live. Unlike the places I grew up. Also, I don't know what my hometown is. I lived in one place from age 0-2, another from 2-6, another from 6-12, another from 12-17. When people asked where I was from, I would just say, "New England," rather than try to list the different towns and states.
(Anonymous)
double whammy
Also fascinating to me is this dark, dreary view of Hawai'i. I never thought of it as a rainy, muddy, moldy, centipede-y place. Shows what I know.
~eisha
Re: double whammy
Or wire hangers rusting in the closet . . .
Me too!
Re: Me too!
(Anonymous)
Sara said it best: "Look at everything you've found by leaving, and yet you still have what you left, too."
Mary Lee